Excerpt from the chapter on Family Dynamics in my book I am currently writing that is due out this November:
[The family provides the most lessons in your lifetime. There are not only the ones we observe but the ones we are subjected to. As a child we have no choice about what happens to us for we are at the mercy of our caregivers. How they live their lives is ingrained in us, what they teach us is embedded in our subconscious. We learn by example as well as through seeing cause and effect in action. When you are raised in an unstable environment, you are unstable. This stability is very hard to get back once it has been lost. I am not only speaking of stability in physical way, I am referring to the emotional and psychological areas as well. Ask anyone who has been through an abusive childhood or had a psychologically or emotionally unstable parent or sibling and they will agree that they are always on alert awaiting the next blow. You find yourself awaiting the pain that comes along with trust, awaiting the extreme chasms; from joy to anger, from sadness to laughter or peace to rage.
This stays with you until you look deeply at it and see it for what it was. All based on fear and lack. They did the best they could for them at the time. There are many factors that many people don’t consider when taking on the journey into their childhood. The biggest one being, your parents were only a product of their own parents. So what is the lesson here? Do we allow this pain and anguish to follow on to the next generation or do we use it as a catalyst for change. This is our lesson. They provided us with it. We learn it and use it, for good or bad. That is the beauty behind the past. I know that my life would be different if I had grown up differently, many people think this way. But I can honestly say that I wouldn’t trade in a day of my life, it has made me who I am. All of my strength comes from overcoming and surviving my lessons and from embracing the love, happiness and laughter.
What you choose to take away from your childhood is what defines you; it is not the other way around. You choose what to possess as a part of your personality. You decide if you want to cause others to feel the pain you endured or provide the joys that you found in those places in between. No blaming or anger or revenge will bring you happiness or peace. The only thing that can set you free is acceptance and perspective. Once you look from a new angle and stop living as a victim of happenstance, you gain a tremendous sense of freedom and strength. Eventually you find yourself looking back and smiling that you can see the whole picture and all of the players in your game.
When you are able to withdraw from the game and make your own rules you then see how amazing life can be. Just because you are born into a situation does not mean that you have to stay there. This is another illusion many people use to remain trapped in their sorrow. All you have to do is move forward and know who you are.] ©2022 Maria Lawless -
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