The most influential people in your life, will be those who have shown you their full spectrum. Openly displaying their best and their worst behaviors.
I have been fortunate enough to witness this with several people in my life thus far. Knowing and loving these people and seeing their actions, reactions, tools and manipulations has taught me tremendously, not only about my best potential and who I am… but about my worst potential and who I am not.
I too have tried these behaviors and found that they were very useful in gaining power over another, manipulating another’s mind, or changing their way of perceiving a situation. I was exploring the aspects within myself and my relationships. I was by no stretch of the imagination a healthy Being, on the contrary, I was drowning in despair. My life was a constant manipulation of energies and darkness and light were blending into one giant mass of chaos.
When my Spirit could no longer be silenced, my body reacted, then when I did not listen, my mind broke, and my heart was re-awakened. I returned to the Empath I had always been, only now I had to face all of the hurt and pain I had inflicted upon others, I had to learn again to filter what was mine and what was not.
It all began to rush forth overwhelming me and pushing me back into my state of numbness. There in my safety zone, perched upon a hill underneath a great oak tree in total silence surrounded by fireflies and nature.
My own retreat which had been there for me since I was a child; always there for safety and solitude so that I may remember the illusion and endure being Human. I began inviting others to rejoin me there and resumed my teachings and I began to regain my vision of who I was and had always been, I broke free from the illusions and began to see what I had created around myself. I again had sight; I could see clearly what the reality was behind the facade of manipulations and perceptions.
Once this freedom began to return, I had to break free from the image of myself I was sharing with the world and grasp my true essence with both hands so as not to be pulled back into the habits, learned behaviors and false perceptions of not only myself but the world around me.
Seeing was only a small step for breaking free is an altogether new battle of will and faith. I had been so use to pulling this energy in to myself that I had to slowly draw in lesser and lesser negatives until I was able to reach through and pull myself up.
With each phase of growth, I pulled myself further up the spiral towards home. Along the way I have had some amazing experiences, some of which I myself am still in awe of. Not all have been pretty and some cannot even be described, but I have always felt the love inside me no matter how faint, it has never left.
So when someone claims that it can’t be done, that you can’t change… I say… you are under a false perception you have created. It can be done because you can do it, no one else, you have no other to answer to, no other to blame and no other to credit. It is all your journey and we all teach and learn from each other along the way. Those who would say otherwise are also under a false perception they have created.
I have had many helpers along the way and many of them were not of this realm. They were the ones who guided me moment by moment, and allowed me to fall so that I may learn a lesson faster and get on with the journey.
Many times I was on the edge of the blade waiting to topple over in a heap of defeated flesh like so many before me. But I have a fire inside of me that will not diminish and drives me on to become fully who I AM and share that with others.
No one is perfect, yet all are for the moment, exactly where they see themselves. We are correct in that view, for this view is what drives us toward evolution, without that small voice saying; this is not who I am, or what I represent, we cannot find out who we are.
Regardless of who makes or denies a claim about you, you have created who, and what you are. No one deserves credit for your journey in life, good or bad. It does not work that way and this illusion is the fuel behind so much of our self inflicted suffering.
Follow any relationship and you will see this constant play of ownership and power, but guess what… you are not property. You are a divine spark of Source, God, Goddess -no matter what labels you put upon it. You are also a child of the Earth and a child of the Stars, and of all creation.
All else, is only an illusion. Embrace your full spectrum, explore it and use what feels correct for you. Do not be fearful of your darker aspects, nor allow only parts of it, to define you.
Most of all never let others define who you are, for only you can do that. For it changes every single moment.
© 2008-2016 Maria Lotura Lawless
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