I remember that feeling… when you just know your relationship is not meant to be.
It is no longer working, nor healthy for either of you. It feels like someone has taken your blinders off and it is so confusing and painful.
The doubt you have; that you will ever find something right, or that the person you know you want, does not exist. So, you argue with yourself and yet you know, it is only a matter of time.
Do you stay again, as usual and pretend to be what they want or move on? It repeats until you are ready, the illusions winning out over your soul’s cries for a better life.
Then a few years down the line, after you found the courage and left, and have dealt with all of the ‘opinions’ and all of the spiteful, judgmental gossip- you become strong. Then none of those opinions, or that gossip, or even the momentary loneliness matter, for you realize you are now free.You first had to ‘become’ what you wanted and shed what was not part of that. You must be strong to find strength. You must be true to who you are… to find someone ‘real’. You must know what matters to find someone to share it with. You must be loving to the world to find love in the world.
Then one afternoon (just as I did today) – you look into the eyes of your new husband and realize, it took letting go of what you thought you had (for 11 years in my case), to find what you were missing… YOU – you were missing your SELF. When you find yourself, the right one finds you. No looking, no games, no drama, and no doubt… you absolutely know. You both know.
I am blessed, first to have found the courage and second to be able to have seen this path. I am so in love with my husband that it makes my heart burst with joy. I had to share this insight, for some of you need to know.
I came to NZ from California with 2 suitcases, a 3 year old and a roughly $830. To do this, I gave 2/3 of my belongings and my (kick ass) car away and took a leap of faith, because I KNEW I was destined to have the life I wanted.
Not the one scripted for me, and I have it now, because I trusted that love is amazing, and allowed it to come to me, without running away, nor sabotaging it. I found my worth and knew I deserved to receive the same love I gave.
When I least expected it, I saw those eyes, those amazing eyes I had seen in my visions, and in them; I saw myself being seen… finally… and I knew, he had found me and I was breathless.
Those arms I had felt around me were real, the compassionate heart I had inside- he had inside him. The pain I had endured – he had endured also. The love for my child – he shared with his children- which we both share for all of them now.
The patience which had kept us both bound in silence and unhappiness previously- was now used to help each other to thrive. The forgiveness I had found – he had found as well. He was free and true to himself – as was I. He held me to my best and shed light on my illusions – just as I reflected his.
I didn’t sit and wait for it, I made my own life, faced my fears, examined my false concepts and beliefs and figured out what my OWN ideals and values were and lived them. He had done the same. You can do this too.
Many men and women have the same amazing story, I personally know several dozen. Love is not pain, nor shame, nor guilt, nor manipulation, nor control, nor abuse, nor hiding who you are to appease another.
REAL Love encourages you to be true to who you are, and actually prefers it. It will test you, and it will call you back to your own truth when you waver, but in a kind and supportive way. If it does not – it is not love, but rather convenience, coercion and co-dependence.
What if you KNEW that there is always love available for you, and only you, hold it at bay by staying in a lower vibration. The higher cannot lower itself, to bring you what you are longing for. Look back on your life and you will see the truth of this.
You expand (wisdom) after every contraction (pain) and each time the latter becomes much less prominent until you realize the pain equates to your concept – or your perception of any event, no matter how great or minimal it may be.
How would you then chose to live your life? As you are now, or would you make a few changes?
In Love ~ M
Harp by Sulamith Wulfing
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